By Dr. Maria Villarini PT, DPT, CKTP, CYI
My Story
I have been blessed with a beautiful, energetic, articulate, caring son. I have been enjoying every day of parenthood that are filled with surprises and those filled with challenges just the same. I feel fortunate to be able to enjoy the “Joys of Motherhood”. Prior to getting pregnant I was an active person who frequented the gym doing cardiovascular and strength training at least 3 days/wk. I always envisioned being active during my pregnancy and even attending prenatal yoga classes. I was excited about the possibility of being a part of a new community and forming a bond with new experiences to share. I read the book that almost all expectant mothers read: “The Joy of Pregnancy” and was ecstatic. My journey to becoming a mother however was not joyous at all. I experienced a difficult and painful pregnancy that resulted in the inability to walk. My story below may be gripping at times as it is raw and unedited. It is a constant reminder that triumph can come out of any struggle.
“Triumph can come out of any struggle”
I knew things were not what they were supposed to be when I went to my routinely scheduled OBGYN appointent at 4months pregnant and was asked by the assisting nurse if I was having contractions because I was bent over, supporting myself by the wall, and taking baby steps. I was just walking to the bathroom when the front desk personnel rushed me in to see my doctor and skipped everyone else in the rooms who were waiting. When my doctor saw me she was beyond concerned. Her first question to me was “Why are you walking this way?”. My only answer back was: “I can’t walk any other way”. I explained to her that I had been having excruciating pain at the front of my pelvis that felt like a shearing which got worse when I walked especially when I took normal sized steps. I also told her that I hear a loud popping sound coming from my pelvis when I change positions in bed and that pop results in severe pain. I explained that going up and down a flight of stairs was nearly impossible at this time so the subway stairs were killing me when trying to get to work. I was still working full time as a Physical Therapist treating very active and athletic patients. My commute to work lasted 45mins and required taking the subway and walking up and down subway stairs on a daily basis. Since she didn’t fully understand why I was experiencing so much pain and what I meant by the “popping sound with pain” I proceeded to demonstrate the position that would result in the audible pop. I lay on my left side with my knees bent, opened the right leg so that the knee faced the the ceiling and followed with the Left leg. And there it was the “Pop” with pain. The doctor heard it and also saw my face. She immediately told me to stop. She said she was sending me to see an Orthopedic specialist. I told her the part of my body it was coming from and she insisted to see the Orthopedist to assess my hip because she thought my hip was dislocating (coming out of the socket). She also told me I am restricted to modified bed rest and will not be able to return to work in this condition.
Reluctant to go see an Orthopedist I knew I wanted someone, anyone, to help me and take the pain away. I repeated my story to the Orthopedic specialist and demonstrated the same move that results in the loud popping noise. His reply was: “You are a physical therapist and really know your own body”. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t think the sound was coming from my hip but the only way to truly confirm this is through an x-ray. Then he informed me that at this time an x-ray could potentially result in side effects and harm to the baby that didn’t outway the benefits. He let me know that if in fact it was a dislocation of the hip nothing could be done until after the pregnancy anyway. His recommendation to me was not to cause any “added irritation” to the area and return to him after delivering the baby for additional tests if it was still a problem. There I was, assured by the specialist that the pain was likely not coming from the hip and barely being able to make my way back home and suffer through the 45mins commute. I didn’t get any answers or help with my pain. His “advice” rung in my head the entire commute home…”no added irritation”. I quickly went through a list of everything that “irritated” me which was walking, changing position in bed, getting out of bed, and going up and down stairs. In essence, to avoid “irritation” I would have to stay home, lay in bed like a mummy and limit walking to only trips to the bathroom. The thought of the next 5½ months of pregnancy mentally and physically exhausted me.
I was very active prior to my pregnancy and now at 6 months pregnant I was barely able to walk. In fact, after commuting to see my doctor, which required walking 8 city blocks and going up and down subway stairs, it would take me 3 days at home to recover. Most of that time I spent in bed and putting ice along the front of my pelvis. My doctor continued to see me and ask about my pain and advised me that when delivering we will be cautious of my hip and avoid bringing my knees all the way to my chest to avoid dislocating the hip. That was considered my “Birthing Plan”. Because of my professional background and my education I had a very good idea of what was happening to me but I didn’t know how to treat it or how to make it better. I started to wonder why everyone kept talking about “The Joys of Pregnancy” when all I was experiencing were “The Pains of Pregnancy”. I remember wondering how other pregnant women could just glide when they walk as if they and their growing belly were being supported by clouds under their feet. Here I was unable to lift one foot off the floor to take a step while the other foot supported me without experiencing excruciating pain. My steps could not be more than 3 inches apart without severe pain. Even getting dressed became a painful event.
In my time alone at home I remembered learning about the issues of the pelvis and how painful it can be if there was a problem or dysfunction in the area. In fact, I myself treated patients (none who were pregnant) with varying degrees of pelvic pain and dysfunction and was able to relieve their pain. However, being pregnant posed completely new challenges that I wasn’t prepared for mentally, physically, or emotionally. I knew I needed to see a Physical Therapist that specialized in the Pelvis and every problem surrounding the pelvis. So that’s exactly what I did. I did my research and looked for a Physical Therapist that specialized in Pelvic Dysfunction. The closest specialist that was available was more than 45mins away from me and didn’t mention that they were treating pregnant women. Although I was in excruciating and unrelenting pain I decided that adding another 45mins commute to see a specialist would result in making me feel pain so bad that it would force me to recover in bed for 3days once again. Then I made, what I convinced myself was, a rational decision. I decided to stay home, in bed, and do nothing. That’s right, I did nothing.
Studies show that something happens to a person’s brain chemistry when they are experiencing chronic and persistent pain which is categorized as pain lasting for > 6 months. I was now within that time frame at 6 months pregnant and experiencing pain as well as additional symptoms related to chronic pain. I found myself in a vicious cycle thinking I couldn’t move, I couldn’t go outside, I couldn’t enjoy my pregnancy, I couldn’t be active, I couldn’t relate to other pregnant women, and I couldn’t stop the pain. Because my activity was limited and my pain was increasing I gained 50lbs during my pregnancy. Needless to say my pregnancy was difficult.
I delivered a healthy baby boy 3 weeks after the anticipated due date and was immediately faced with new and additional challenges. I was expected to move, carry my own body weight as well as carry my 9lb son in and out of a car seat, and carry the car seat as well. All this while still having 90% of the pain I had while I was pregnant. I realized very quickly that this pain wasn’t just going to go away. I questioned myself and my ability to be an adequate mother. I saw women do this on a daily basis and knew what was expected of me. I was expected to be able to “handle” all of this. And so at my first visit to the pediatrician with my son a few days after the delivery I grit my teeth and fought back the tears from the pain. I could barely walk. I could barely carry my son. I could barely lift the car seat out of the car. I could barely stand in front of the doctor’s office while my husband parked the car. I was past thinking about the pain. The pain was there and wasn’t going anywhere. Instead I began to harp on the fact that I wasn’t like everyone else. I decided not to the talk about the pain anymore to anyone. There was no more excuse after all, I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I thought if people and professionals didn’t understand what was happening when I was pregnant it’s a waste of time to talk about it now that I had delivered.
At that point I started to ask myself questions. I wondered why aren’t there more people like me that I can talk to. I asked myself why is every pregnant woman and new mom i’ve met so happy and look at ease with the simple task of walking. After just 1 week of continued misery I decided to take action and became proactive. I started to remember the basics of what I was taught in school of the human body and how to gradually get someone back to their previous level of activity. Knowing that what I had studied wouldn’t be enough help I began to do extensive research on healing from Pelvic pain. I began to implement techniques and modification of movement and slowly progressed myself to be able to walk pain free. Then I was able to lift my son and do daily activities with modification in movement but pain free. It was not an easy road to recovery, to get stronger, and rid myself from this pain, but it was possible. I had done it. I was determined to get myself stronger than I was even before I was pregnant physically and mentally. A fire had ignited in me.
Along with my physical healing my thoughts became clearer. I began to forge answers to those same questions I was asking myself earlier. I realized people weren’t talking about their pain because they possibly hadn’t come across someone or a health professional that would actually understand it. I realized the pregnant woman with pelvic pain will not be the woman happily socializing in typical pregnancy groups and going to prenatal yoga because they would be in too much pain. Instead they will be suffering at home in silence with limited function counting the days until their delivery to finally enjoy “The Joy of Motherhood” like I did. At the time of writing this Blog I am proud to say that my greatest achievement since my pregnancy has not been my increased physical strength. It isn’t how much weight I can squat or lift from the ground, or my ability to do splits in the air. It has been my improved Quality Of Life and the fact that I can run around and play with my son and be completely pain-free. He still hasn’t beat me in a race but I’m sure that time will come soon.
In the process of my own healing of mind and body I began seeking out advanced and specialized training in Physical Therapy. I extended my studies and have become an expert and specialist in treating men and women through all phases in their life including pregnancy who suffer with various Pelvic and Pelvic Floor Dysfunctions. I have shared my story to serve 2 purposes:
- Educate healthcare professionals that physical therapy specializing in Pelvic Rehabilitation can significantly help reduce pelvic pain and lower back pain while pregnant and
- Empower pregnant woman and ensure them that they do not have to suffer in pain through a pregnancy. Pain should not be an expectation from any woman bearing a child and carrying that child to the full term of her pregnancy. My ultimate goal in caring for others with such debilitating pain is to reduce their time of suffering.
If you or someone you know finds themselves in a similar situation please reach out and speak to a specialist in Pelvic Rehabilitation @ Inner Strength Physical Therapy at (914) 505-6556 or visit www.innerstrengthpt.org to discuss concerns or make an appointment.
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